Navigating Neurodivergence as a Father

Doing life with a neurodivergent child can be incredibly hard. There is still a lot of misunderstanding (and some stigma) around autism and ADHD, for example, so just accepting the diagnosis can be hard. Once you’ve got past that, there are constant challenges around adapting homelife to meet your child’s needs, finding an educational setting that really works for them, and sometimes feeling judged by your friends, wider family and professionals.

And the situation brings a unique set of challenges for a dad. Society tends to assume that you’ll be the main breadwinner, so you can feel really torn between a demanding job and an increasingly complicated homelife. Society also assumes that Mum knows best when it comes to childcare, so you might have a fight on your hands to get schools and medical professionals to listen to you. And unfortunately, if your child’s meltdowns get physical, it’s often Dad who bears the brunt.

But there is hope. Take it from a man who’s come through a lot of these battles and lived to tell the tale. (My kids still have their moments – and we have the holes in the walls to prove it – but we’re in a so much better place than we were two or three years ago.) If you too are floundering in the world of neurodivergence, here are five truths to help you stay sane:

1. You’re not alone. There are many other dads grappling with the same issues you are. There may well be an in-person meet up for dads in your area and, even if there isn’t, try connecting with some other dads online.

2. Your feelings are legitimate. It’s completely understandable if you feel confused, lost, isolated or a sense of grief at what your child has lost. You don’t have to apologise for feeling the way you do, and you don’t have to pretend everything’s fine.

3. Your role matters. Your kids need their dad. Even if it seems like all you get for your trouble is abuse, never underestimate the difference you’re making just by being there for them.

4. There is help out there. Whether you need help getting a formal diagnosis, getting an EHC plan, dealing with your child’s school or accessing mental health services, there are people out there who can give you what you need. Of course, NeuroConnect can also help by strengthening the relationships within your family and providing wellbeing support. Remember that things will be easier if you and your partner work as a team, too.

5. It can be done. Getting your child the support they need can be overwhelming but, with perseverance and with the right support, it can be done. Don’t give up!